Life after Losing A loved One

This is my first ever blog so bare with me on it please. I am sure almost everyone has suffered a loss in their life time? Am I right or wrong? I have suffered 5 losses all of them very special to me but The last one did me in. I lost my only big sister Tina she was only 32 years old and had a 15 year old daughter named Faith. She was killed on April 2nd, 2009 on a road called old Frankfort Pike in Woodford County. She was the passenger in her car her husband was driving. They were hit head on by a chevy suburban so hard that it turned the suburban and hit them again in the side pushing my sister's side into a telephone pole in which it pinned her head against it as her head busted out the side window. The girl that hit them was 22 and she almost hit the guy in front he blew at her and he looked into her window and noticed she was so much into the cell phone that she didn't even hear his horn. He ran up on the hill side and then she hit my sister going 55 so that was a speed of 110 for both cars. My sister's head was busted open and her teeth were broken out. Her husband was injured and her daughter had her pelvis bone sticking out of her skin. Her daughter sat there in the back seat fighting to get up front to help her mom but couldn't the firemen wouldn't let her move. She was losing way to much blood and needed surgery. My niece had to sit and listen and watch her mom die in the car that day. She was pronounced dead at the hospital of multiple blunt force trauma. The girl that hit them was not hurt at all. And believe this? She got by with out anything not even a ticket. My sister was a family person and she loved her family so much. We had just seen her the night before. Never ever would I have thought I was going to have to live out the rest of my life with out my sister , my best friend, my inspiration,my role model, my life. I was her shadow where she went I was right behind her. She was the type to help a stranger with the shirt off her back. She was married almost 16 years she got married at 16 and had her daughter at 17. The man she married refused to go to her funeral and he never shed a tear for her. He was responsible for her because he was driving am I right? Yes I am very right. Her life was in his hands and he failed to protect her. He was 40 and he signed over my niece to my mom and said he wanted nothing to do with her. Come one now who does that? He moved in with my mom until he could walk again. We took care of him and 4 months later he was dating a 20 year old girl. And soon after he tried to have his own daughter arrested then he got married and had this girl call my niece and leave her a voice mail saying she was going to be her new mom. Now tell me is that not just so wrong on so many levels? My niece was diagnosed with epilepsy at 9 years old and her mother was the one always there for her baby girl. This little girl lost 2 parents that day because someone thought more of a phone call then my sister's life. A whole family was torn apart after that tragic uncalled for day.4 years is coming up on us since she was called home and we are still grieving like it just happened. Will we ever get over it? no way never. We did not get closure we never got to say goodbye . We didn't get called to be there to pray for her because he called his boss first to save his job. ( that he later lost any way) Life after the loss of a loved one is never the same. It is as if there is no reason to smile but plenty of reasons to cry. We get up and go through every day brokenhearted. We get up every day and ask the same question over and over. Why was there no justice for my sister? Why did she have to die? Why did she have to be done so wrong by a monster that she was faithful and true to? When no one wanted or loved him she did. When you lose a loved one it does something to your mind and your body. Our health has fell apart. It has taken a huge toll on all of us. We were always so close and now we feel so alone in a world full of people. I was with my sister every single day all of my life. And to wake up and hear that I can never see her again has just done me in emotionally and physically. With out her we are just not complete. She is the missing piece to all of our hearts. We are left wondering if she knew how much she was loved?  She was loved so much by us. When we lost Tina we pretty much lost our lives. If only we could turn back time wouldn't that be so nice? Everyone that knew my sister loved her. She would come into a room and there was a since of safety and warmness that followed her. I often wonder if she was an angel sent  down to us from somewhere up above? Seeing her in the hospital with a tube sticking out her mouth replays in my head and it kills me inside.  I thought I was in a bad dream and  at any time I would wake up and still have my precious sister.That never happened. We went out and packed her stuff up and it was like packing her away forever. Losing her has been the worse thing I have ever been through. Picture going into your only sister's house and you see her glasses laying on the dresser where she put them that morning and her night gown laying on the bed waiting for her to come back and put it on. Her towel from her shower that morning still wet laying on the floor waiting for her to come and wash it. Her clothes hanging in the closet that I saw her in so many times and her favorite foods waiting for her to come back and eat. Seeing her daughter,mom,and brother and me her sister crying all the tie over her and how she was done. No mother should ever have to bury their child first. And no child should ever have to lose their mom when they need her so much. So I guess I will come to a close for now but stay tuned for more from me. So life after a loved one is pretty much gone for us. We just live day by day trying to cope which is not easy.   signing out 

                                              forever Broken :(